Are you talking to me?

This is aimed primarily at visitors to our great capital. I’m assuming if you’re a born and bred Londoner you know this stuff.  When you arrive in a new city its a little daunting and a bit scary. Where can you go, what is safe? It’s all common sense really. To start with you’ll probably be trundling around the West End…theatre land…shopping etc. Well I can report that most of the tourist areas are safe, violent crime against tourists is a rarity. You may get your wallet stolen on the tube, but its going to be lifted from your pocket rather than you held up at knife point. If you’re young and into clubbing you’re probably going to find yourself in some less well known parts of London..Clerkenwell, Brixton etc. Again if you keep your wits about you, stick with the crowd (unless there all wearing hoodies and ice hockey mask’s) then you should be OK. Avoid inner city housing estates or dodgy drinking clubs or the sleazy part of Soho off to the left from shaftesbury avenue.

Don’t go in any of the sex clubs in them you’ll get robbed…but you’ll get a receipt for it as well.

My advice is buy a guide book like Lonely Planet, refer to it and take their advice and then when you’re safely ensconsed in the hotel room, surf the net to find a reputable Escort Agency (Playful Please) and then arrange an ‘outcall’ to your hotel. Once that’s done, you’ve got half and our to shower and

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